this is Old
this is an old vent i made back in 8/5/24, not that anything is really invalid here or anything, but just note that is isn’t anything new (depending on how/when you’re reading this)
yesterday we came back from vacation. it was fun, but somehow as soon as we got home the tire ran over the car itself and tore off a good chunk of the shell(? not sure how to speak in car terms) so we spent the night fixing it. my mom insisted that it would be better to do it tomorrow instead of tonight since everyone was tired, including him, but decided to do it anyways.
the issues began here! he constantly complained about how nobody helps him or has no support and complains about what easily makes him tired, except he does not, at all, communicate with us and for some god forsaken reason tries to just use gestures or hope that we will help because we notice him struggling, then complains when we don’t. like hello??? we’re right fucking there please just talk to us.
what bothers me more is that for some reason he literally refuses to communicate with me directly. he will sometimes use my help, but instead of talking to me for help, he instead asks my mom to tell me to do something for him. which is actually beyond fucking stupid because between me and my mom there is a massive language barrier. then he gets pissed and does everything himself whenever we fail to communicate well to do something.
this was already hell enough but even though we did get it … mostly fixed in the end but my mother still refused to take it to work because she wanted us to fix some other parts that were broken, but did not need to be fixed for her to drive it. so we decided to check another car we had that we didn’t use because the battery in said car was fucked. of course, yes. it was fucked. so we made a quick trip to walmart (at this point it was like 9:30, almost 10 pm) to buy a car battery. after all that time we got home and realized we fucked up. my dad rants about how he has nobody to support or help him.
once again
for the love of god
fucking TALK to us.
we do not know what you need if you literally REFUSE to fucking say anything !! how can one be so stupid. we went back to refund it, no go because it was too late and they were already closing everything. so we wait til tomorrow.
and that was that day. today (8/5/24) we did some chores of paying bills and going to doctors, refunding the battery we bought and stuff, then we checked on the other car batteries. it was fine for the most part, until we went to the third store. for some reason, my dad wanted to get a battery that had the same exactly issue with the last one (the positive and negative terminals/poles on the batteries were swapped so we couldn’t actually connect it) despite the fact that we went to the previous stores and seemingly agreed that we want one that we can easily just pop in and have work. but no. this time, he thinks that its fine if we swap the battery.
which, okay, it might. but.
why the FUCK didn’t you do that with the previous fucking battery we bought holy SHIT . we already refunded that shit and we could have just done that but instead he decides to just argue with me on this at the store. he gets to the point where he does his classic “i’m glad you aren’t helping me because you suck at supporting me” and argues about how i suck at learning or following directions with “flipping” and stuff. and i understood everything he said. actually no, i understood that but nothing about the battery. and of course, when its over, silent treatment, he calls my mom and talk shit behind my back and tell her about my much i suck at helping.
then i realize, maybe i’m not a actually a failure. maybe i don’t want to kill myself, but maybe just like. get rid of him. he fucking sucks. he refuses to acknowledge that my disabilities, both diagnosed and possibly undiagnosed, makes me suck at doing things. and its worse because again, he refuses to acknowledge that, and he keeps trying the same style of teaching/telling me things which NEVER FUCKING WORKED FOR THE PAST 10 OR SO YEARS. and he STILL doesn’t fucking get it. he doesn’t realize that the fucking shit he tells me makes me so fucking miserable to live with him. he doesn’t realize its probably him for the reason of why i have suicidal thoughts or even am in therapy/counseling. he just fucking ignores it all.
so like. yeah. fuck him i guess
i should have told him something, but i’m afraid of the “outcomes” especially since i’m 18 now and i’m pretty sure he could just kick me out of the house or whatever if he wanted to. and it was in public anyways, that would have looked horrible. sorry i failed that part, but still, fucking hell.